Fears
by The Lilac Elf of Lothlorien
Summary: Mini-story from 'The Bonds of Family story line. Read that one first! Harry is happily married and has 5 great kids. His worst fear is realized when his daughter Camille is diagnosed with cancer.
1. Chapter 1

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I made a brief mention of Harry's daughter Camille in the epilouge of 'The Bonds of Family' (I suggest reading that story first before this one.)and the fact that she was in remission from cancer. This is just a mini-story with how Harry took the news that one of his children is sick.

* * *

HARRY POTTER: Fears

(Mini-story from 'The Bonds of Family')

The first indicator Harry Potter had that there was a problem with his daughter, Camille, was how tired she looked when she came home for the Christmas Holidays.

Knowing what could possibly happen if he waited, Harry immediately took the middle of his triplet daughters to Dr. Leslie Evans the day after picking her up from the train station.

--

Sitting in the waiting doom of the doctor's office, Camille yawned, wishing her father could have just let her sleep. Yes, she was tired, but she was a first year and the schoolwork was harder than anything she'd had before. All she needed was a good night's sleep and she'd be good as new.

But instead of letting her rest up, her dad had dragged her to the medical office of Dr. Leslie Evans.

"Harry," said a woman with a heart-shaped face and strawberry-blonde hair in a doctor's coat. "What brings you here?"

Harry got up slowly, leaning on his cane and walked over to Leslie, whispering. "It's…" Not able to think about the reason he was there, Harry just glanced over at Camille.

Leslie sighed and gave her friend a sympathetic look. "I'm sure it's nothing… Remember when Addie was anemic two years ago?"

Harry nodded. "I know… but…"

Leslie put a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder. "Okay," she said, giving him a smile. Looking over at Camille, she said, "Cami, honey? You want to come with me, sweetheart?"

Camille slowly followed the doctor down a hallway and into an exam room. After getting up onto the exam table, she looked over at her father who looked worried. "Daddy? What's wrong?"

Harry tried to give her a smile. "Nothing, Cam… just thinking about… things."

"Harry, why don't go to the waiting room?" Leslie suggested, smiling at Camille as she grabbed a syringe and a vial.

"I want to stay here with Cami," Harry insisted.

"I'm just going to have a quick word with your daddy, Camille," Leslie said, setting the blood-draw kit aside and going to Harry. Whispering in his ear, she said, "You're scaring her. I need you to leave the room. Please?"

Harry nodded and gave his daughter a smile. "I'll just be outside, honey," He said, leaving the room and closing the door.

Leslie took the needle and swabbed Camille's elbow before saying to the 11-year-old girl, "This will sting a bit. You can close your eyes if you want."

As quickly as she could, Leslie inserted the needle and grinned. "That's done." Seeing that Camille hadn't even whimpered, she said, "You're braver than your daddy."

"Daddy doesn't like needles?" Camille asked, trying not to look at the blood collecting in the vial.

"He had more of his fair share of needle sticks when he was a teenager," Leslie said, not wanting to give details, lest she scare Camille needlessly. Pulling the needle out and sticking a bandage over the injection site, Leslie took the blood vial and smiled at Camille. "You sit tight, kiddo. I'll be back in a moment."

Going down a hallway to the bloodwork lab, Leslie took a small blood sample and put it on a slide before securing it on the mounting platform of a microscope. To the untrained eye there seemed to be nothing wrong. But Leslie had a sneaking suspicion that this time Harry had been right to bring Camille in. Pulling a small, locked case out of a cabinet, she pulled out a vial of cloudy liquid and added three drops of the liquid to the vial of Camille's blood, sighing as she saw a large number of tiny green luminescent specks in the blood.

--

In the waiting room, Harry paced anxiously as he waited to hear about his daughter. He wanted to be wrong… He wanted to just be paranoid… He didn't want Camille to be…

"Harry?"

Seeing Leslie's face as she stood in the doorway, Harry's heart plummeted. "Oh, God…" He breathed, not quite able to believe this was really happening.

"Do you want me to call Luna, or…?"

Harry tried to think. "No, I'll call—Yeah. Call her. I-I don't think I'd be able to…"

Putting a calming hand on Harry's upper arm, Leslie said, "Harry, I need you to calm down. Cami doesn't know yet. Do you want me to wait until Luna gets here before I tell your daughter?"

"Um…" Harry's heart was racing as he thought. "I, uh… what… ever you think is best."

"Then you need to tell her, Harry," Leslie replied. "You've been through this before and you're her father. I'll call Luna… and I'll have her meet the two of you at the hospital." Seeing Harry's look, she said, "We need to do more extensive blood tests to determine what kind of cancer and how bad it is."

Harry nodded, trying to find enough inner strength to tell his little girl she was sick.

--

Camille knew something was wrong when her dad came in with a very solemn look on his face. "Daddy…? What's wrong?" She hopped off the table as Harry sat down in one of the chairs and sat on his knee. "Daddy?"

Harry took a deep breath before saying, "When I was 15… I was very sick for a while."

"Sick with what?" Camille asked, looking at her father's cane and legs. "Is that why you have no legs?"

Harry gave a small wry smile. "Partly. I had a tumor in my right leg… and the doctors had to cut my leg off." Looking into Camille's gray eyes that were just like her mother's, Harry said, "Dr. Evans did a test on the blood she took… You're sick, too, Cami."

Camille seemed to turn to stone. She barely breathed and her eyes got wide. "Am I… going to get my leg chopped off, too?" She asked.

Harry shook his head. "I don't think so, Cami. I was sick for a long time before I found out."

"Am… I going to die?" Camille asked, scared.

"I… I don't know," Harry replied, honestly. "But we're going to the hospital and the doctors there are going to find out how sick you are."

--

Luna didn't meet Harry at the hospital alone. The other two triplets—Addie and Gwen—came along as well along with James and Cedric, the Potters' oldest and youngest child, respectively.

Outside Camille's room, Luna's gray eyes were filled with worry and fear and when she saw the same look in Harry's green eyes she knew. "How bad?" Luna asked, noticing the curtains to the hospital room were closed.

"Leslie is doing a bone marrow biopsy right now," Harry replied. "They're testing her blood… Dr. Walden already took x-rays and scans of her whole body."

"What's wrong with Cam?" James asked, looking at his dad.

Harry turned to his eldest son and said, "Camille has cancer. We don't know yet what kind, but…"

"Is she going to be okay?" James asked, hugging his sisters. "I mean Cam's not going to… die… is she?"

"We don't know," Luna said as Cedric backed away a bit.

Gwen pulled away from her big brother and pulled Cedric into a hug. "It'll be okay, Ced."

"I don't want Cami to die!" Cedric said, firmly.

"Oh, honey…" Luna said, hugging Cedric and Gwen. "None of us do."

--

It was almost noon the next day when Leslie called Harry and Luna to ask them to meet her and her uncle at the hospital.

In Dr. Walden's office, Leslie said, "I've got the results of Camille's blood tests."

"Okay," Luna said, calmly, holding Harry's hand.

Walden opened Camille's file and said, "Camille has a very common form of cancer that's usually found in children, acute lymphocytic leukemia. It affects the white blood cells."

"So what do we do now?" Harry asked, trying to think positive.

"I've spoken to Hermione," Leslie replied. "She's just finished the tests on a new chemotherapy drug that's been developed for ALL in children. It's the best thing available right now."

"How long will Camille be…?"

Walden shrugged. "Because ALL affects the white blood cells that help the body fight off infections, Camille will have to stay in the hospital until we can get her through this."

Seeing how scared Harry and Luna were, Leslie said, "I know it looks bad… but this type of cancer is easy to beat if it's caught in time. And the drugs we're going to start Camille on are the strongest out there right now. She'll be fine, Harry… I know she will."


	2. Chapter 2

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I chose to use this chapter to answer the question of when did Harry's son, James, start having 'those feelings' for Nicholas Malfoy.

Meanwhile, Harry tries to deal with what's happening to his daughter and Camille realizes that this isn't just about her.

Also, I know sometimes my use of song lyrics in stories is hit-or-miss but the scene I put them in has a religous tone, a subject which is kinda tricky for me to write. (I'm an agnostic if you really want to know.) BTW, the song in question is 'So Small' by Carrie Underwood.

Chapter 2

* * *

Late that night, James headed over to The Malfoys' house and quickly climbed the tree next to Nick's window.

"Nick!"

"James?" Nicholas Malfoy said, as his best friend climbed in through the open window. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know…" James admitted, sighing. "I just… I couldn't stay at home right now."

Nick shoved some of his stuff off of the bed and asked, "What's going on?"

James didn't sit down, instead preferring to pace the room. "You know how tired Cami has been lately?"

"James, what's wrong?" Nick asked.

"Camille has leukemia," James replied, not meeting his best friend's eyes. "She's in the hospital… they're starting her on chemotherapy in a few days." Kicking Nick's chair, he said, angrily, "It's not fair! 'Merry Christmas! Your sister's got cancer!' Son of a b—"

"Is Camille going to be okay?" Nick asked, concerned.

"The doctor say she's lucky they caught it early… it's treatable…" James sighed and finally sat down as the fight went out of him. "I don't want to lose my little sister."

"You know… your dad had cancer when he was 15," Nick said, trying to be comforting. "And he's doing just fine."

"I know…" James replied. "But why does it have to be Cam? She and I have always been so close and…"

Nick gave a warm smile. "She's going to be okay, mate. You know she's tough… she'll come out of this alright. You'll see."

James nodded as he got up. "Thanks, Nick."

Without really knowing why, Nick gave James a hug.

And as strange as it seemed to the two boys, it also seemed to be the most comforting thing in the world.

--

Lying in her bed in the pediatric oncology wing, Camille felt a little scared as Leslie Evans attached an IV drip to Camille's new central line. Looking up at the bag of medicine hanging from the pole, Camille tried to imagine the drugs as some kind of magic elixir that would _definitely_ cure her.

"This isn't going to be pleasant, Camille," Leslie warned as she started the IV drip. "It's going to make you feel really sick. But that just means that the drugs are killing the cancer cells in your body."

Camille nodded, trying to feel brave but really she was scared to death. "I don't want to die, Aunt Leslie."

Leslie smiled at the little girl as she sat on the bed and took her hand. "It's okay to be scared, Cami. But even though you're scared you have to try and fight this okay? Think positive… And one day this will all just seem like a bad dream."

* * *

Harry didn't feel like opening presents Christmas morning and while Luna took the kids to the hospital to visit with Camille, Harry went to the local Presbyterian church, coming in just as the 10am service was about to start.

"Harry?"

Looking around, Harry saw Dudley sitting with his mother, stepfather, and 5 kids, two of which, Harry recognized as Dudley's own kids, Nicole and Simon. "Hey," Harry said, giving a faint smile as he sat next to his aunt.

"I heard about Camille," Petunia said, taking Harry's hand. "I'm so sorry, Harry…. Is that why you're here?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know… I guess… I just need to… to believe that this isn't some cruel irony…"

The Christmas service started and as Harry sat with his family, he didn't feel any better than when he'd first arrived.

--

After the service, Petunia gave Harry a 'are you coming?' look as she, Dudley, and the others got up and started for the door.

Harry shook his head. "But… if you could tell Luna I'll be by the hospital later…"

Dudley nodded and turned to leave.

Harry stayed sitting in the pew, thinking, as everyone left the room. He wanted to pray… to find some meaning in all this… But at the same time he was afraid that if there was a reason Camille had cancer…

"Harry Potter?"

Looking up Harry saw the priest, Father Michael Clarke, standing next to him. "Yes?"

Father Clarke sat down next to Harry and said, "Your cousin, Dudley, told me about your daughter."

Harry looked back to the front of the church. "When I was 15… I was in a car accident… I lost my left leg. Then later… I had my right leg amputated after the doctors found an osteosarcoma. I had two rounds of chemotherapy… And I'd do it all over again to keep my little girl from going through Hell."

"Harry, the only thing that's constant in life is that things are constantly in motion," Clarke said, calmly. "And as much as I believe that God has a hidden plan for everyone… sometimes Life breaks that plan. Nothing is certain… nothing is completely set in stone…" Putting a hand on Harry's shoulder, he added, "And do not _ever_ believe that you are alone in this."

"I want to…" Harry said, not sure _what_ he wanted to do. Cry? Deny that his child's life was a risk? To be able to accept this? "I-I don't know what I want…"

"You want you daughter healthy… your family safe and happy…" Clarke supplied. Glancing upwards, he smiled. "God listens, Harry… And, yes… sometimes we don't always get the answer we want…. But He's always listening."

'_I know it's hard on a rainy day_

_You want to shut the world out_

_And just be left alone_

_But don't run out on your faith_

'_Cause sometimes that mountain_

_You've been climbing is just a_

_Grain of sand_

'_And what you've been out there _

_Searching for forever is in your hand_

'_And when you figure out love _

_Is all that matters after all_

_It sure makes everything else_

_Seem so small'_

--

When Harry finally came into Camille's room, Luna saw the look on her husband's face and quickly shooed everyone out of the room, leaving father and daughter alone. Harry pulled a chair next to Camille's bed and when she sat up and looked at him, he said, "I know I never told you or your brothers or sisters I was sick when I was younger… And there's a reason for that. I'd put it behind me. I let my missing my right leg be the only sign that I'd had cancer. I thought that… once I was healthy again… the disease couldn't touch me again."

"It's not your fault, Daddy," Camille said. "You didn't know I'd get sick." Giving her father a smile she said, "And I'm going to be okay."

Harry didn't want to say what he was thinking, but he owed it to his daughter to be honest. "But you might not be."

Camille was young, but was starting to realize that her dad needed her to be strong. "Dad, it's okay to be scared," she said, echoing the words Aunt Leslie had told her. Thinking on a line from one of her favorite movies, Camille suddenly realized that she knew what it truly meant. _'Courage is not the absence of fear. But rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.'_ She didn't need to be strong for herself… but because her father wasn't strong enough to deal with this alone.

When Harry took Camille's hand, she gave him a warm smile. "I think… if you want to hold on to me… I can try to be strong enough for the both of us."


	3. Chapter 3

AUTHOR'S NOTES: The song lyrics used here are from Gary Allen and from the soundtrack from 'The Lion King 2'.

And I hope no one got TOO attached to Camille…

_5 Years Later_

Camille stood outside in her bathrobe, watching the big, puffy snowflakes falling silently from the sky. It was quiet and the air felt crisp and pure… Everything was perfect… untouched…

Unlike her.

She'd gone to Aunt Leslie last week for a check-up and it hadn't been good news. The cancer was back and even with another round of chemo she had 4 _good_ months at best. Her parents didn't know yet and Camille didn't know how to tell them that she was going to die.

She knew she should go inside… but she wanted to stay outside for a little while longer. _'This is my last winter,'_ she thought with unbelievable calmness. _'My last Christmas with my family.'_

"Cam?" James came out of the house and stood next to his sister. "What are you doing out here?"

"Thinking…" Camille said, vaguely. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," James agreed, quickly. "It's also cold."

"Doesn't matter if it melts away," Camille added. "It always comes back…"

"Cam…" James said, a look of dawning comprehension on his face.

Camille smiled at her big brother. "Don't tell the others. Please? Not until after Christmas…"

"Camille, you can't hide this," James insisted, glancing up at the house. "If you're sick again…" Seeing the serene look on his sister's face, he felt numb and it wasn't because of the cold. "Oh, God…"

"Please don't tell Mum and Dad," Camille said again. "Let's all have a nice Christmas… before we have to deal with this."

"'This'?" James said, shocked by his sister's complacency. "You mean the fact that you're… Look, what did Aunt Leslie say?"

"Couple months… 6 if I'm lucky…" Camille replied. Taking her big brother's hand she said, "And I don't want to spend it on chemo… too sick to do anything…" James' head was spinning. Yes, Camille was a little tired lately… but… Pulling her into a hug, he couldn't believe that this would be Camille's last Christmas. "Promise me, James?"

When Camille's eyes met his, he sighed. "Okay, Cam… I won't tell the others… Unless I have to."

"Thank you," Camille said, smiling.

"Now let's go inside, okay?"

--

Christmas morning, Harry groggily limped into the kitchen and he stopped dead when he saw Camille making breakfast. "Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?"

"Morning, Daddy," Camille chirped, handing her father a mug of coffee. "Heavy cream and sugar… just the way you like it."

Harry wasn't an idiot. He knew what was going on right away. "Camille…"

"Don't say it, Dad," Camille warned. "Now go have a seat in the living room. I'm baking muffins and—"

Harry set his coffee mug down and held his daughter, looking into her gray eyes… God, she looked just like Luna… Addie and Gwen looked more like him, but Camille had her mother's eyes and blonde hair. "Camille… tell me the truth…"

Camille didn't answer… Instead she just gave her father a hug.

And Harry knew… wrapping his arms around her as tight as he could, he never wanted to let go. "Please tell me this is just a bad dream…"

"Daddy…" Camille said, quietly. When Harry's eyes met hers, she said, "Don't tell Mum?"

Tears filled Harry's eyes. "Don't tell her that you're…? Look, I'm sure there's some new treatment you can try…" Seeing the set look in his daughter's eyes, he said, "You have to keep fighting, honey… You can't just give up."

"Dad…" Camille said, and for the first time since she heard the news, she felt tears in her eyes. "Don't make this harder for me, please."

"How long?" Harry said, fighting a catch in his throat.

"Couple months… maybe a bit more…"

Harry hugged her again, crying openly now.

"Harry?" Luna asked from the bedroom.

"In the kitchen!" Harry called, wiping his eyes. Giving a nod to Camille, he grabbed his coffee and headed for the living room.

--

When Dudley, Leslie, Nicole, and Simon arrived for Christmas dinner, Harry pulled Leslie aside to talk.

"She told you, didn't she?" Leslie asked as she and Harry stood outside on the back porch.

Harry sighed. "How bad is it?"

"She's been sick for months now. She was doing a good job of hiding it but… She came to see me a few weeks ago. I ran the tests and… the leukemia is running rampant… Chemo would only buy her time," Leslie replied. "She's going to die, Harry… soon. You need to be ready for that."

"How am I supposed to be ready for this?" Harry asked. "Why didn't she…? She could have had more time!"

"Dad!" Cedric shouted, opening the back door. "Camille just collapsed!"

Harry wasn't far behind as he followed Leslie into the kitchen where James was kneeling next to Camille who was lying unconscious on the floor. "What happened?" Harry asked when he noticed the blood on Camille's face.

"Nosebleed," James replied. "Then she passed out."

Harry looked at everyone gathering around and then at Luna. "We need to get her to a hospital."

--

When Camille woke up she groaned when she heard beeping. She was hooked up to an IV and seeing the label on the bag she groaned when she recognized the medicine as chemotherapy drugs.

"Why didn't you tell us you're dying?" Addie asked from the doorway as she came in with Gwen. Both of them looked haggard and it was clear that they'd been crying.

Camille sighed. "Because there's nothing anyone can do about it."

"Your pain is our pain," Gwen said, sitting on Camille's left side as Addie sat on the right. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I was going to," Camille said, weakly. "After Christmas." After a long pause she said, "I'm dying…" Tears filled her eyes and she started to cry.

Hugging Addie and Gwen, Camille couldn't do anything as the crushing reality finally hit her. After about 5 minutes, she let out a derisive laugh. "And I was worried about the two of you falling apart on me." Seeing that her sisters were trying to look hopeful and optimistic, Camille added, "I'm not going to get better."

Addie held her sister's hand and tried to hold on to the image of Camille alive and well.

Gwen gave a forced smile. "You're going to fight, Cam… You've got to fight…"

Camille shook her head and squeezed her sisters' hands. "I'm tired of fighting…"

* * *

April came on a stormy week and as Camille grew weaker, Harry, Luna, James, Addie, Gwen, and even Cedric maintained a constant vigil in Camille's room. Dudley, Petunia, and the Weasleys came by as well, making sure that there was always someone with her.

On a Wednesday night, Harry sat with Camille who was looking more worn than ever. She didn't have much time left and both of them knew it. Harry studied his daughter before asking, "Did you want to die?"

Camille slowly opened her eyes. "No… I didn't want to spend the rest of my life trying to fight the effects of chemo. I'm sorry, Daddy…"

Harry shook his head. "No… I'm sorry… This isn't what you wanted. And if I were in your shoes…"

"You'd look terrible in my shoes," Camille joked, smiling.

Harry chuckled. "Yeah… But I'd want to live as much as I could before…" Getting up from his chair he said, firmly, "We're taking you home."

Camille managed to sit up a bit more and smiled. "Thanks, Dad."

--

Once back in her own bed, Camille was starting to feel like it was the beginning of the end.

"Knock, knock…" James said as he came into the room and saw the IVs Camille was still attached to.

"How's Nicky?" Camille asked, smirking.

"He's well…" James replied, sitting on the edge of the bed. "How are you?"

"I feel run down all the time… Like my batteries are running down…" Seeing her brother's face, she added, "I'm dying…"

"Dad told us they took you off the chemo," James said.

"Too little… too late," Camille replied. Sitting up and hugging James, she said, "I love you."

"I love you too, Cami."

'_Life ain't always beautiful_

_But I know I'll be fine_

_No, Life ain't always beautiful_

_But it's a beautiful rhyme_

* * *

On what would have been the last day of Camille's 6th year at Hogwarts, the Potters, Weasleys, Malfoys, and Petunia gathered at a cemetery in Darby, England.

The sun was filtering through the clouds as Harry stood numbly with Luna and James while Addie, Gwen, and Cedric sat together, holding hands and praying for strength.

The last days had been Hell as Camille had grown weaker and weaker… finally slipping away early one morning.

Harry put a hand on Camille's coffin and said, "Camille wasn't like Adrienne or Gwen… She looked like her mother. And when she got sick… Somehow… I was always afraid that I would lose her…" Clearing his throat, Harry looked over at James who stepped forward.

"It's hokey…" James began. "But Cam's favorite thing was watching the rain… or the snow in winter. After she got sick when she was 11… she'd stand out on the porch for ages watching the snow or rain. She believed that it was the little things that were most important."

Addie nudged Gwen and the two of them got up before the crowd. "We… we wanted to do something f… for Cam… and we didn't really know what to say, so…"

"Cam liked 'The Lion King' when we were little," Gwen added. "And yesterday we…" She paused for a moment after a choked sob. "This was her favorite song from the sequel… So…"

Luna flicked her wand and the background music began playing as the two girls started singing.

"As you go through life you'll see

There is so much that we don't understand

And the only thing we know

Is things don't always go

The way we planned

"But you'll see every day

That we'll never turn away

When it seems all your dreams come undone

We will stand by your side

Filled with hope and filled with pride

"We are more than we are

We are one"

Last night, sitting in the bedroom the three of them had shared, Addie found an audio tape with the song on it and a message to each member of her family. _"Addie…Gwen… I know our trio is now a pair… and I'm sorry. But I know that the two of you can go on without me. Play this song when I die… and any time you need to think of me. Dad…I love you. And I know you believe that if I had told you when I first relapsed that I'd still be alive. But I think we both know that I was on borrowed time ever since I was 11. Mum, try to help keep everyone together. Dad especially will need you. You've always been able to keep his spirits up. James, I'll miss you. You're my big brother and I won't deny that you've always been my favorite. I'm glad you and Nicholas are happy together. Cedric… try to keep out of trouble. And remember that I'll be with you always."_

"Even those who are gone

Are with us as we go on

Your journey has only begun

"Tears of pain, tears of joy

One thing nothing can destroy

Is our pride deep inside

We are one"

Addie smiled as the clouds started to clear. It was like Camille was smiling down on everyone, telling them all that finally, she was okay.

THE END


End file.
